Remembering 03/19/2011
 Today one year ago I lost a little boy. He was ushered into the arms of Jesus before I got to hold him, cuddle, watch him grow, and teach him about our great Saviour! Yet now he knows more about my Saviour than I do...Heaven is a sweeter place! Zachariah Benjamin was born at 7:00am on March 19th at 17 weeks… A beautiful, miniature, perfect 8 inch long, little boy. All the fingers, toes, eyes, ears, face, nose, legs, arms, perfectly in place. Two weeks earlier, we had named him Zachariah. His name means “The Lord Remembers” I am so thankful that He does!! He is in the presence of Jesus.” Through this last year, I have lost two other angel babies...I never got a chance to meet and name those two...yet Jesus has. I also have met many other women who have experienced heartbreak. If I had not lost Zachariah, I never could have really understood the pain and loss losing a little one can cause...I could try...but not really understand. Now I do. I told a lady recently, “Yes the pain eases, and time does heal; yet the hole of that missing child does not go away.” The following women are ones that I know personally...  Stephanie Dickerson “Nehemiah Benjamin Ray's earthly vessel was delivered at 8:55 March 1, 2011 at 24 weeks gestation. The placenta was not developing correctly.This is the hardest thing that we have ever had to deal with. Nehemiah is with the LORD JESUS. Nehemiah will always be remembered in our heart, he taught me a lot in this time on how to love my wife. Nehemiah means Jehovah Comforts: GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! Proverbs 3:5-7” Kylie Manor Moye "On the day of Shane's birth March 19, 2010, he was 24 weeks and 3 days gestation, weighing in at 1lb 11oz. 12.5 inches long. On the day he was ushered into heaven, he was 24 weeks 4 days old , weighing in at 7lbs .07oz 19 inches long! Throughout his 6 month stay in the nicu, Shane had 6 major surgeries, too many tests to count, he was fed, not fed, fed, not fed..., one infection after another, fingers poked, heals poked (many times a day ), but through it all he was a fighter and our little hero.” Mary Lynn Van Gelderen "On March 23, 2010 little Emma Van Gelderen went home to be with the Lord. Emma passed away at about 25 weeks along. Her earthly body was buried at the Bill Rice Ranch." Four little children...much prayed for by their parents, yet entering into the presence of Jesus before their parents got to spend much time with their earthly bodies. Yet as a believer, each of these mothers will see their little one again when we reach heaven. Not only will we have a chance to see them but have the opportunity to spend all of eternity with all of our loved one in the presence of Jesus. How do I know this? Because I have accepted Christ's substitute on the cross from my sins. The death that was meant for me because of my sins, Jesus took upon himself, taking my death and all my sins on Him. Three days later, doing what no one has ever done, He resurrected from that earthly grave to conquer sin, death, and hell! As a 21 year old young lady, I repented of my sins and received the Lord Jesus Christ as my own Saviour. I know that each one of those ladies have trusted Christ as their substitute for their sin as well! How about you? Will I see you in Heaven? If any of these children could talk right now, maybe they would quote from the Psalms... Psalm 139. 13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. 1 Comment Trust and See 01/10/2011
The following poem was sent to me by the author. After experiencing 3 miscarriages in 2010, the words of this poem strike real meaning. May many other hurting women find comfort in these words and in our Saviour...the One who cares so much more!! I was fearfully and wonderfully made, As God covered me in your womb. While my substance was still yet unperfect, My members, in His book, there was room. I was no secret to God as He formed me, For His glory, He shared me with you, Just long enough so you'd know me, When we meet face to face o'er the blue. I'll know you when I see you; You'll know me, too, as we meet I look like you, and yet like Christ, I'll be sitting at His feet. Remember, now, God's wisdom, He knew what was best for me. He'll also help to ease the time of waiting, trust and see. Author: Darrell Riggs Zachariah Video 09/18/2010
Hannah Lynn 09/16/2010
Today, I am going to the hospital...no, I am not sick! I am going to celebrate a life. A new life born into this world...a little miracle given by God. You see, last December, a young lady from our church came to me full of enthusiasm. God had begun forming a new life within her. She was expecting and due in September. I had my own secret...one I had not told anyone...I to was expecting. But, I hesitated to share my new. Why? Because this was to be my ninth. As excited as I was, at the same time, I had thought that my 8th was my last. Questions swirled in me head: "a new one, nine, can I do this, I thought I was done"? As the time passed, and as my baby grew within me, the thought of a new little one I could hold, cuddle, nurse...became more exciting and real. I shared my news with those loved ones around me; the little one inside me continued to grow and my stomach with him! :) My due date was to be September 22, 2010. I was measuring bigger, so the doctor ordered an ultrasound. How can one explain the feeling of seeing a life jumping, kicking, sucking his thumb in the womb. A new date was set for September 9th...the same date as my young friend from my church. A month after my Ultrasound, I starting bleeding. I will not go into the story, let's suffice it to say, little Zachariah Benjamin was born much to early on March 19th. Over and over, I have repented of those early thoughts. God has taught me some hard lessons...ones I wish I did not have to learn. In August, I had a positive pregnancy test. My heart was thrilled. Here was a gift from God, a month before Zachariah's due date. My thoughts were: "This would help ease the pain of Zachariah's due date." At the same time, I received a call from my sister that she was pregnant. I told her my little secret and found our due dates to be three days apart. One week late I miscarried... Now is the birth of Hannah Lynn...I go to celebrate. What are my thoughts? I am excited to be able to hold a little newborn baby. No, she is not mine, but what a comfort to be able to see a new life, created by God!! As I jokingly told her, "I get the privilege of holding and cuddling, you can have her when she cries and needs to be fed!" The Lord is good...nothing more can be said... As An Eagle... 05/01/2010
 All the sadness of losing little Zachariah came back with a rush…The Lord has his purposes for taking Zachariah home before we could visit with him and really get to know him. I understand and accept God’s perfect will, yet that does not mean the pain of loss disappears. The tears of never holding him still come at times; however, the hope from my Saviour overpowers the loss… Each day as I get older the shortness of life becomes more real and the need for Christ’s presence more intense. Deuteronomy 32:10, 11, 12 “He found him in a desert land, and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye. Like an eagle that stirs up its nest, that flutters over its young, spreading out its wings, catching them, bearing them on its pinions, the LORD alone guided him, no foreign god was with him. The mother eagle stirs up the nest when it is time for the eaglets to learn to fly. The nest has been soft, warm, and comfortable. She scratches out the softness, making the nest prickly. They begin to fall… Having stirred up her nest, she “spreadeth abroad her wings,” She “beareth them on her pinions.” She swoops beneath them, catches them on her wings, and bears them up. Teaching them to fly, she drops them again, and again they struggle in the air, but this time not so helplessly. The process continues until the eaglets learn to fly. She is always under them, ready to catch them on her wings. That is how God deals with you and me. Trials and trouble do come. But sometimes God needs to move us from point A to point C or D. We have to learn and God teaches us many different ways. To get to point D he may stretches us a bit or drop us from the nest… He is always there to catch us…but it is not always comfortable.
Heaven 03/19/2010
Just a summary of my thoughts and feelings of March 19th 2010... For the last four or five days I had spotted a little. On Thursday March 18th, I called my Doctor at 2:30pm to tell her about the increased spotting. At this time, I did not have any cramping or discomfort. The Nurse told me this spotting can be common in pregnancy and to call if it became heavier or if I was feeling crampy. I put my feet up for the rest of the afternoon. At 5:30pm I heard a scream coming from the yard. Serenity had fallen off the trampoline and hurt her wrist. At 6:30pm, with Michael (my husband) watching the other children, I took Serenity to the emergency room to Bethesda Hospital in Zanesville. It turns out she had a broken wrist… poor thing… I thought about calling the doctor since I was already at the emergency room, but I thought, “Why? I was not really any worse and did not really feel bad.” So I returned home with a little girl in a splint, put her to bed and I went to the bathroom. I noticed increase blood on the tissue. I kept debating what I should do…Finally at 10:30pm I called the OB doctor. He told me to go to the ER. After calling a friend to stay with the children, Michael and I left to return to the ER at 11:00pm. We did not see an OB doctor because I was less than 20 weeks (almost 17). They took blood, urine, I heard the heartbeat…140, and the cervix was closed. At this time, I was experiencing, light menstrual like cramps which I told the ER doctor. He said everything looked fine and to go home and take it easy. I had no choice but to return home at 4:00am and go to bed. At 7:00 Michael’s alarm went off, I rolled over and felt a small pop. As I ran to the bathroom my heart sank…I knew. Instantly as soon as I sat down on the toilet, I started delivering our little boy. I caught him as he was delivered and got to see his little heart beat a few more times. AS I held a perfectly formed little boy in my hand I was struck by how tiny and helpless he was. We lovingly placed him in a special place at home. At that time, it was as if a faucet had been turned and I could not stop the bleeding. We left the children, and sped to the hospital which is a good 25-30 min away. By the time we got to the ER I had bled so much that my cream pajama pants were now red from the extreme loss of blood. AT one point in the hospital, I heard a buzzing and felt like I was going to black out right there. I told Michael that I think my heart had stopped beating! He looked me and said, “Well, you’re still talking so I guess your heart is still beating! :) 45 minutes after arriving at the hospital, the Doctor did a D&C while I was sedated. I lost a lot of blood. I was told my recovery would take longer…After about 2 hours recovery I was sent home.We returned home at 1:00pm. The doctor believes it was preterm labor, why? who know..the Lord wanted our little boy in heaven and not in my arms... How do I feel? Weak, tired, sad, empty, yet….comforted by a loving savior and by prayers from all across the world, loved by beautiful children that God has allowed me to carry full term. Stephen (6) said it all with his eyes full of tears, “This is a sad, sad, day”! Life is a precious thing, each child learned that today. I told my children, God has a special purpose for each one of us. Which is why we are here…to serve Him. Zachariah Benjamin was born at 7:00am on March 19th at 16 ½ weeks… A beautiful, miniature, perfect 8 inch long, little boy. All the fingers, toes, eyes, ears, face, nose, legs, arms, stomach was perfectly in place. Two weeks earlier, we had named him Zachariah if he was a boy. His name means “The Lord Remembers” I am so thankful that He does!! He is in the presence of Jesus. If he could talk right now, maybe he would quote from the Psalm 139. 13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b] Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. He was buried on the afternoon of March 20th, a small memorial with our family and grandparents, Dennis and Kay Ice. God is always good whether we understand our circumstances or not. With that hope and promise, I cling to an Awesome God who gives life and who can help me when it is taken away!  |  The AuthorMy husband's been the pastor of Lighthouse Baptist Church in New Concord, Ohio for the last 9 years. ArchivesOctober 2011 CategoriesAll |
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