Just a summary of my thoughts and feelings of March 19th 2010...
For the last four or five days I had spotted a little. On Thursday March 18th, I called
my Doctor at 2:30pm to tell her about the increased spotting. At this time, I did not
have any cramping or discomfort. The Nurse told me this spotting can be common in pregnancy and to call if it became heavier or if I was feeling crampy. I put my feet up for the rest of the afternoon.
At 5:30pm I heard a scream coming from the yard. Serenity had fallen off the trampoline and hurt her wrist. At 6:30pm, with Michael (my husband) watching the other children, I took Serenity to the emergency room to Bethesda Hospital in Zanesville. It turns out she had a broken wrist… poor thing…
I thought about calling the doctor since I was already at the emergency room, but I
thought, “Why? I was not really any worse and did not really feel bad.” So I returned
home with a little girl in a splint, put her to bed and I went to the bathroom. I noticed
increase blood on the tissue. I kept debating what I should do…Finally at 10:30pm I called the OB doctor. He told me to go to the ER.
After calling a friend to stay with the children, Michael and I left to return to the ER
at 11:00pm. We did not see an OB doctor because I was less than 20 weeks (almost 17).
They took blood, urine, I heard the heartbeat…140, and the cervix was closed. At this time, I was experiencing, light menstrual like cramps which I told the ER doctor. He said everything looked fine and to go home and take it easy.
I had no choice but to return home at 4:00am and go to bed. At 7:00 Michael’s alarm went off, I rolled over and felt a small pop. As I ran to the bathroom my heart sank…I knew.
Instantly as soon as I sat down on the toilet, I started delivering our little boy. I
caught him as he was delivered and got to see his little heart beat a few more times. AS I held a perfectly formed little boy in my hand I was struck by how tiny and helpless he was. We lovingly placed him in a special place at home.
At that time, it was as if a faucet had been turned and I could not stop the bleeding.
We left the children, and sped to the hospital which is a good 25-30 min away. By the time we got to the ER I had bled so much that my cream pajama pants were now red from the
extreme loss of blood. AT one point in the hospital, I heard a buzzing and felt like I
was going to black out right there. I told Michael that I think my heart had stopped
beating! He looked me and said, “Well, you’re still talking so I guess your heart is
still beating! :)
45 minutes after arriving at the hospital, the Doctor did a D&C while I was sedated. I lost a lot of blood. I was told my recovery would take longer…After about 2 hours recovery I was sent home.We returned home at 1:00pm.
The doctor believes it was preterm labor, why? who know..the Lord wanted our little boy in heaven and not in my arms...
How do I feel? Weak, tired, sad, empty, yet….comforted by a loving savior and by prayers from all across the world, loved by beautiful children that God has allowed me to carry full term.
Stephen (6) said it all with his eyes full of tears, “This is a sad, sad, day”!
Life is a precious thing, each child learned that today. I told my children, God has a
special purpose for each one of us. Which is why we are here…to serve Him.
Zachariah Benjamin was born at 7:00am on March 19th at 16 ½ weeks… A beautiful, miniature, perfect 8 inch long, little boy. All the fingers, toes, eyes, ears, face, nose, legs, arms, stomach was perfectly in place.
Two weeks earlier, we had named him Zachariah if he was a boy. His name means “The Lord Remembers” I am so thankful that He does!!
He is in the presence of Jesus.
If he could talk right now, maybe he would quote from the
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
He was buried on the afternoon of March 20th, a small memorial with our family and grandparents, Dennis and Kay Ice.
God is always good whether we understand our circumstances or not. With that hope and promise, I cling to an Awesome God who gives life and who can help me when it is taken away!
God reached down in love and rescued Cassandra from her sin at the age of 21: changing her life, purpose, and focus forever.