Not I But Christ




Little by little the Lord is stripping away my selfish wants and desires and replacing them with His path for my life. Just when I have my life planned out my way, the Lord allows events into my life to learn to lean on Him just a little more.

 This last week our entire family had the opportunity to travel to Wisconsin for a preaching conference. With much anticipation we packed food, clothes, bibles and kids! I was looking forward to the trip to soak up some good preaching, enjoy the orchestrated Godly music, and spend time with my family under the preaching of the word of God. Monday evening was a wonderful service. Tuesday the Lord gave us another good day with more teaching from His Word. Tuesday evening Carissa started not feeling well… pain in the chest and dizziness.  Mercy developed a high fever on Wednesday. By Thursday all I wanted to do was enjoy this last day for me…God had other plans.

 Michael had not been feeling well for the past couple weeks, by Thursday his symptoms had gotten worse. He has the same disease Autumn had two years ago that caused her to remove her colon. Despite the bleeding, Michael continued to go to the services. By Thursday evening we both realized that his bleeding had to stop and he was already in trouble physically. After much prayer and with the Lord’s guidance, we made our way to the ER at St. Josephs in Milwaukee. Here we are sitting in the Er with my baby and my husband …the last place I wanted to be.  My children were still in the service.

 We prayed together for God protection and His wisdom. He is such a good God to take care of us and guide us to know exactly where to go and what to do. The Lord provided great doctors and nurses who took care of Michael right away.

 As Michael was being taken care of, my mind continued to recall the past couple days and now this.  I bowed my head and gave my life and my way to the Lord.  At the same time I prayed that each one of my children would hear the Word of God that was being preached and make lasting decisions for Christ.

 Michael was admitted that evening at 11:30pm for medication to control the bleeding and for hydration and low potassium. As I left the hospital around midnight, I came out to my van to find a thin layer of ice on the windshield. The 20 minute drive to the place I was staying ended up to be an hour long nerve racking drive. By the time I was halfway there, the rain had turned to ice and the ice had turned to white sleet. At one point I could not see because the ice on the windshield was not coming off and the roads did not even have tracks on them. With much prayer, I made it to the home we were staying at. At this point it was around one in the morning. I sat behind the wheel in the driveway and gave way to the emotions of the week and the evening.

 Can I not have a time to myself, Can I not have a day without a crisis, Can I not have to take care of sick people all the time, Can I… Can I…?  My life is full of the word I. The Lord smote my heart. Christ in me…Not I but Christ…He knows what is best for me and my family and my life. Oh, I have so much to learn.

 Was the week all I wanted it to be? No, but it was all God wanted it to be. On the way home we were sharing how the Lord used His Word and sharing decisions we made. Autumn, who is still dealing with many fears because of the accident, her surgeries, and other trials the Lord has put in her life, told us of her decision she made Thursday evening while she was in the service and we were in the ER.

 “Daddy and Mommy,” she said, “I told the Lord I will go anywhere and do anything the Lord wants me to do… even if there are floods, hurricanes, or earthquakes.”

 Basically this little girl gave all her fears to the Lord.  That makes the week one orchestrated by the Lord and not myself. If my life truly belongs to Him, then all my plans and desires are His to do with what he wants and not I.

 Not I but Christ.